Always, Somewhere
by GatsbyGirl
Summary: Homura Akemi ponders her true feelings for her lost friend while looking out on the city.


A/N: Angst. So much angst.

Hey there old sports! GatsbyGirl here! This is my first yuri fic for one of my favorite yuri ships. It takes place after the finale of the Madoka anime (but has no affiliation with Rebellion because I haven't seen it yet.) There is a technical OC in this. I guess. She's literally mentioned like twice, but an OC is an OC. I based this fic around my MadoHomu song (the song that I associate with the pairing), which is quoted below. But prepare for angst, sadness, and fluff.

* * *

 _All this time I've loved you_

 _And never known your face_

 _All this time I've missed you_

 _And searched this human race_

 _Here is true peace_

 _Here my heart knows calm_

 _Safe in your soul_

 _Bathed in your sighs_

—Lamb, _Gorecki_

* * *

Homura gazed out onto the twinkling lights of the city.

She liked to come here after battles. The skyscraper rooftop was peaceful. She could look out onto the buildings and watch the movement of regular life from up there. People walking down the street, hurrying to wherever they needed to go. Cars whizzing down the roads, leaving behind a symphony of radio songs and honking horns. It was comforting to watch from a distance, to see that life went on among the chaos that she faced every day. It was comforting to remember what life had once been like before she had made her contract.

It had been a productive day. She had taken down Scelerata, the demon who had been causing destruction lately. The demon had thrown her around like a ragdoll, beaten her to the ground, and almost pulled her into the colorful, mesmerizing despair, but it was worth it. Homura didn't surrender. She had drawn back her arm and shot one final arrow into the heart of the demon.

Whenever she pulled back her ebony bow and shot an arrow into the heart of a demon, or flew over the infinite lights of the city on inky wings of energy, she felt closer to her.

And Homura would do anything to be closer to her.

In another timeline, she would have held her close and woven her fingers through her pink hair. In another timeline, she would have let her tears stain her pale cheeks, and small delicate fingers would have wiped them away.

In another timeline, she would have told her what she meant to her.

Homura Akemi had never met anyone like Madoka Kaname, and she never would again. Someone so brave. Someone so kind.

Someone so beautiful.

Madoka had a kind of beauty that glowed from within her. It shone in her large, innocent eyes. It sparkled in her smile. It rose in her blush. It was a kind of beauty that was pure, and warm.

She had felt that beauty when Madoka had gently grasped her hand, or thrown her head back and laughed. But most of all, she had seen that beauty when Madoka had gently tucked her ribbons into her hands, given Homura a gentle smile, and made the ultimate sacrifice. Madoka was the only good thing that had come out of being a magical girl. She had changed Homura's life. And now all she wanted to do was tell her.

All she wanted to do was hold her hand again. All she wanted to do was laugh with her again. All she wanted to do was look into her soft coral eyes and press her lips to her rosy cheek.

 _It was too late now_ , Homura realized. _Of course, you never know what you miss until it's gone. And nothing good really lasts in this world.  
_

"I should have known," Homura scoffed, leaning on the railing of the skyscraper rooftop. "Nothing good ever comes from being a magical girl."

It was something that Kyoko would say. She would spit out the words with her sarcastic tone, and bite down on a stick of pocky.

 _I suppose some may think you're right,_ echoed a voice from below her. Kyuubey's ruby eyes shone in the pale light. Like doll's eyes. Glassy. Blank. Lifeless.

Homura hated those eyes. But she had no reason to anymore. Her reason had never existed after all. So she let it curl up in the crook of her neck, even though she shuddered at its touch. She let it wind its tail around her ankle, even though the touch of its fur sent goosebumps down her flesh.

 _But you disproved your own words today. When you took down Scelerata.  
_

Homura looked blankly at the incubator. "Not even you can argue that being a magical girl has its disadvantages."

 _But I would argue that the benefits outweigh the negatives. Not only do you get a wish, but you get to rid the world of evil. You can make the world a better place. If it were completely for naught, what would be the point? Why would you keep fighting?  
_

"I keep fighting demons because I have something to fight for."

Kyuubey cocked his head in curiosity. _Oh? You never told me that before.  
_

"I'm not fighting for you if that's what you think," she said, Kyuubey leaping onto her shoulder.

Homura looked at the incubator, ruby eyes meeting amethyst, and looked away, back to the endless horizon.

"I'm not fighting for you. I'm not fighting for me, or anyone else. I'm fighting for her. Because somewhere she is fighting for me."

Kyuubey sighed. _There you go again. Who are you talking about? Who is_ she?

"No one," Homura sighed, her violet eyes staring out at the blinking lights of the city. "No one at all."

And it was true. She was talking about no one at all.

Kyuubey leapt down from her shoulder and walked back into the dark. He would never understand. No one would. She was gone.

But…sometimes it still felt that she was there.

There was still a glimmer. The ghost of an embrace around her body. The whisper of her name on the morning air. The flicker of her smile on the setting sun.

Homura gasped. She had finally realized it after all this time.

She was never gone. She would never be gone. Her best friend would always be by her side. Her best friend would always be in her memory and her heart.

She would never be alone.

The cool evening breeze ruffled her onyx hair. Homura turned her eyes to the heavens. Dusk was over now and night had fallen, stars beginning to emerge among the azure sky.

"I miss you," the magical girl said. "More than you'll ever know."

Homura stroked the silky ribbon in her hair, winding it around her finger. The stars grew brighter as the night grew darker, almost as if the sky was looking at her.

"I love you Madoka Kaname. Even if you never existed. Even if you never will exist. I love you."

It was faint. Barely even a whisper. Barely even a sigh. No one would have heard it. But Homura heard it.

 _I love you too._


End file.
